


Clean Your Mind

by ConscientiousMonster



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angst, Crying, Dathomirian Magic, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, False Memories, Gen, M/M, Memories, Mental Breakdown, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-15 13:48:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9237746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConscientiousMonster/pseuds/ConscientiousMonster
Summary: Not the best of days for Ezra. First some unpleasant experiences with his so-called space family, then an accident that gets him terribly hurt, he breaks down, and in the end Maul finds him before Rebels can remember and save him.Maul takes him to Dathomir, and tells him about the time Mother Talzin has given him a second chance - by cleaning his mind and fixing memories. Ezra learns that said witchcraft is hereditary art for Dathomirian zabraks.Little does he know, it's a life changer.





	

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today wasn't Ezra's lucky day, it simply wasn't. 

First, Zeb stole his clothes while he was in refresher, and he had to hunt the beast down with a light blanket around himself only. Then later on, Sabine told him he could not go to a mission with her, because she didn't "want to be responsible for saving Ezra's butt on top of all". Then he was unfortunate enough to catch Hera during one of her common "I'm the mom of this company and I do all the hard work, no one helps me" moods, so he had to sit and listen to her whole speech. Later during his training, he could have sworn Kanan purposely kicked his butt harder, than usual. Not to mention Chopper. Just Chopper being Chopper. 

This was not one of Ezra's lucky days at all.

"At least it can't get worse than that, now can it?" 

 

~ ~ ~

 

"I should not have asked" Ezra thought to himself, laying on the cold ground. His body barely had unbruised space left, and was crying of pain, "May be Sabine was right after all - bringing me to any mission only gives them extra task to do - to save me, once something like this happens..." 

It's a wonder the boy was still conscious. Everything was going so fine during the mission, until they had to leave. Hera warned him, there might have been landmines where he had to go. She did, but no shit Ezra didn't pay much attention to it.  Ezra was assured they were too old to activate - they were on a truly forgotten planet - he didn't believe he would have to actually deal with those landmines explosions and consequences. 

Until now, that his whole body was damaged. Nothing lethal, but it surely hurt like hell. Ezra already tried calling for help - but nobody came. 

Then he broke down. He cried, screamed so loud that it brought him even more pain. This had to be the worst set of events he has ever been through in one day.

It wasn't physical pain, that made him cry so bad, sadly, no. It was mental. He knew his so-called family would find and help him at some point. It was his absence of faith in their support, that broke Ezra. He had lived with them for so long now, they must have gotten tired of him by now. He could feel it.

Unlike his first days, now he could not imagine walking up to Kanan and asking for support, sharing fears and insecurities, without said calling him weak, or asking to get over it. "Since it's not physical - it doesn't clarify as real problem" - that was Kanan's vision of it. He could not imagine Hera being as lovingly-mothernal as she was during his early days. He could not imagine Sabine even viewing him as something more, than unfortunate child.

The pain felt overflowing, now that Ezra, for once, let all that bothered him to reach his wounded heart. Ezra felt relatively safe to cry now, as he knew, if his friends were to find him now - he'd blame it on the wounds. 

Speaking of, it's about time they'd at least try to contact him, ask if he made it from this planet yet, maybe. Through a jolt of horrible pain, he rose up to look at his holo-device, that landed few feets away. 

 

Just to see it crushed down under a heavy metal leg. 

"Oh no..." 

 

~ ~ ~ 

 

"This is the part some readers might skip" Chopper wobbled in his illegible language. 

"What did he say?" Hera clarified. 

"I think he said we forgot something..." Sabine took a guess.

"I don't think so," Kanan protested, "We've got the papers we needed, checked the area."

"We even got few cool looking rocks from that place" Zeb added, proudly examining his catch. 

"Watch out, Ezra will probably try to steal... wait, where is he?" It finally occured to Sabine what they've forgotten. Whom they have forgotten, to be correct. 

"I thought he was with you..." 

"Well, I thought he was with you!"

"I thought someone told him to stay on the ship?"

"No, I told him to go to the... oh no, the landmines!" Hera's discovery raised anxiety in every rebel. 

"You sent this kid to the place full of landmines?!" 

"I've instucted him how to avoid them! I- I thought he heard me, and..." 

"Somebody just contact him already!" Kanan insisted. 

Sabine tried to call Ezra by her holo-device, but all she saw was the vision of device suddenly breaking, shattered. They've lost the contact. 

"I- I guess his device got mangled, but... it means nothing! Ezra is still out there, we've got to go back and find him!"

"I'm already setting the course." Hera's voice was trembling just a little.

"What a set of monsters..." Kanan wasn't adressing anyone certain, he was talking with himself aloud, "We have been making fun of him whole day, and now... Now he might be..."

"He is not!" Hera turned around, semi-screaming by now, "He's alive and fine, p-probably just injured. We'll get him back, apologise, make it better... It's not too late. I hope." She voiced last part in a quiet breath.

 

~ ~ ~

 

This was horrible. Just when Ezra though he's reached his limit for chain of unfortunate events for today. 

"Not you..." He let out in a weak sight, before he fell back down. The sound of metal legs quickly approached. 

"Goodness, apprentice, you look horrible" Darth Maul stated. 

"No kriff, Sherlock. Get away from me!" His protest was ignored, as zabrak examined his wounds. 

"I understand those came from a landmine, no doubt. But where did those," Maul reached out, and very carefully wiped tears from Ezra's cheeks, "come from? Who've hurt you?" 

"None of your kriffing business!" Ezra hated the fact that for a glimpse of second he actually considered telling Maul what was troubling him. 

He felt so vulnerable before him - not because he couldn't even move at the moment, but because he had let pain flow through his heart just a moment ago.

Succumbing to the Dark Side in the moment of weakness. Maul would have been proud if he found out how the boy felt. Kanan though, would probably kick him out. Where is he when he's needed? 

"Your injuries seem dangerous" Zabrak concluded. 

"Well, they haven't killed me yet, that means something" the boy gave in reply. 

"I'm talking about the mental ones." Maul put his hand in front of Ezra's face, and the boy was just one second late to put up his mental barriers in time. This second was all Maul needed.

"Oh Force, Ezra. Even I have never caused you this much anger and hate. I guess your teacher does care about you learning the ways of the Dark Side." 

"Shut up." Ezra started regretting many of his life decisions. Mostly the fact that he was born at all.

Maul picked him up with Force at first. Once he made sure moving was bearable for Ezra, he picked him bridal way, and carried off to his ship.

"Let me go!" 

"Don't worry, apprentice. I'm going to heal you. I am only going to help." 

"You don't mean it! No one ever means it..." Ezra shut his mouth, before he went on. Venting to the zabrak was not on his To Do list. 

Once he was settled down and tied in the copilot chair, Maul's ship picked up. 

 

~ ~ ~

 

 "Hey, look! There's another ship taking off the planet." 

"That's probably just some tourists, we don't have time! We need to save Ezra!" Hera announced, and flew their ship right past Maul's ship, as the latter escorted the boy from the planet. 

 

~ ~ ~

 

Soon enough after they left, Ezra's pain won over, and he fell asleep for the time being. Next time he woke up when the ship was already approaching it's destination planet. 

"Isn't it..." he spoke, still barely awake.

"Dathomir, indeed. Rest now, apprentice. You're still too wounded. I can force you back to sleep if you-"

"No!" Even though he still didn't feel like he could move much, he'd rather stay conscious now.

"That's your choice, Ezra. Hold tight, we're landing."

  
_Hold onto what now and how_ , the tied boy thought.

 

The ship landed succesfully, relatively softly. Maul still carried Ezra on his hands, he wouldn't admit it, but he held the boy like a lifeline, like his last hope, and yet did his best be gentle. Did Ezra even know how much he've meant for him? This boy was his hope. 

Meanwhile, the boy couldn't help but notice - this place was familiar to the one they've visited before, but not the same. There was the same altar, but a lot of junk left of imperial bots around. 

"Are you planning to summon the witches again?" 

"Goodness, no. I won't need someone's magic for this one. I've learned it from... my creator." 

Ezra raised an eyebrow at him. 

"Mother Talzin was the strongest Dathmorian witch, and my mother too. This is the place where she once gave me second chance in life, and returned what was lost long ago." 

"Hope?"

"Legs. And hope too. And... a brother."

"What do I have to do with this?" Ezra remembered the time Maul referred to him as "brother" as well. 

"It wasn't you, Ezra. It was... he was my real brother, The one whom I've trained, and cared for. The one I... I should have protected him." Maul stopped and looked down at the boy in his hands. 

"I didn't know you've had brothers before." 

"But I've told you before, don't you remember? I've told you - the sith took everything from me. My family..." 

"Oh, that's what you meant. Yes, I remember this." For a moment the boy even felt bad for the zabrak. Carefully, he reached his hand out to put it on Maul's shoulder, "Sorry, I really didn't know what it meant for you."

Their gazes met. Ezra had a lot of pity and symphaty written in his look. Maul had visibly pained, yet so familiar expression. Last time Ezra saw it on his face before they opened the holocrones. Back when he told him he searched for hope in his life. 

It wasn't anything that holocrones showed him, that he really needed. It wasn't the knowledge that he gained, that brought him hope. 

It was Ezra. 

 

Maul placed him down on the altar. 

"You mentined healing me..." The boy asked, unsure. There was awkwardness hanging between them. 

"Yes, we're here to heal and fix you."

"I'm not broken, just wounded."

"You are broken. You're rooted, but your roots are rotten. You are a beautiful garden, but sadly, so full of unnecessary weeds." Maul smiled, "And we're here to fix that." 

"What do you mean?" the boy didn't understand him, but he felt instinctively, something was not right here.

"Watch this, my boy." Maul chuckled lightly, as did some weird movements with his hands, and a little green, shinging ball of energy appeared in front of him. Ezra suddenly found himself entranced by the ball, he could have sworn he heard it call his name in unfamiliar voice.

"Ezra... Calm down... Everything is going to be fine for you... You will be safe... I will make sure so..." Maul spoke slowly, as his boy stared more into the orb, now floating above him on the altar, "I am here to help you... I will put you back together... Help you find your Faith, my Hope..." he reached his hand through the orb and touched the middle of boy's face gently, repeating what his creator once told him, "Sleep."

"Now we begin." he stated once the boy obediently did as he told. 

Standing behind Ezra's head, Maul repeated the spell Mother Talzin once performed on him. A green swirl appeared on front of the boy's head, and Maul reached in. 

Now of all times, Ezra's mind was so open to him. Even more than the last time, when they only connected to exchange the information... 

 

~~~

 

"You disappoint me, Ezra Bridger." 

That was the last thing he told the boy, before he left to find Kenobi a while ago. It was a dark night on Tatooine, when he found him. They have both ignited their lightsabers and got ready to fight, when Maul asked himself, "Is this really what I want?" 

He have spent his whole life, searching for Kenobi to take revenge on him, for ruining his life. He did not expect to find out he was alive when he asked to be given a new hope. 

Now they were here, in front of each other, in the middle of nowhere. One of them would not survive this fight. Maul could either die, or finally make Obi-Wan pay for what he did, by killing him. 

 

He'd kill him, and so on? 

With killing Kenobi, Maul would also destroy the key to destroying the Sith that he foresaw. What was the point of it then? Indeed, Obi-Wan and the Sith - were two things he swore to revenge on, set it as a goal to his life. 

Say, he would do it. He'd destroy Kenobi now, and then destroy the Sith too, somehow. What was he to do for the rest of his life, when the ones, who fuel his rage would be defeated? 

What would he do with his life? 

Is this really what he wanted to do with his life? 

...No, it wasn't. Revenge wasn't the hope he needed. He didn't want to live on just to make someone angry, no. 

He wanted to have someone to live for. 

 

Ezra.

 

Without another word, Maul deactivated his weapon, turned around and walked away.

Kenobi sat back down. 

 

~~~

 

Maul could see through the boy's mind so clear now. All the memories, and his feelings. The memories of this day, of latest years. So much pain, so much regrets and mistakes. 

"It's time to clean your mind" he whispered. 

The first memory of meeting the rebels. The curiosity in boy's head. He can keep that. 

That beast being rude to him and threatening to kill him. Perfect. His true nature, no doubt. 

Ezra finding reasurance in rebels? No, that won't do. Maul threw it away from his head. 

Kanan inviting him to stay with rebels, and be trained? Nope, sir, no. 

Kanan and Ezra's padawan-master Force bond? Now never heard of it.

All the times Ezra found comfort in Kanan? Not today. 

All the times rebels have let Ezra down, left him behind when they've met, told him things that weren't music to the ears, caused him to brush it off with a joke. That stays. 

All the times Ezra found reassurance and support in them? Away it goes. 

...Ezra's crush on Sabine? ... He could keep that, may be? Actually, no. Ezra would need to hate all rebels by the end of it. Loving this enemy would bring more pain. Away it goes. 

 

Maul kept sorting his memories. Not a single time has he asked himself, if he was sure he was doing the right job. Indeed, brainwashing the boy might count as violation of one's mind. 

But it was Ezra who've left him no choice. 

The boy grew so attached to his space family, he missed the point where their behavior towards him crossed an abusive line, instead of supporting one. He couldn't see it, blinded by his habit of loving them and trusting with his wounded heart. 

 

Was Maul wrong for trying to help the boy? Maul took another look at Ezra - his whole body still covered in wounds, in some places the blood was leaking. There were a lot of cuts, and it's just now that he noticed a little pool of blood beneath boy's head. It was the one from the hit he recieved after a hard landing, from that damn landmind's explosion. 

If rebels, this "space family" that Ezra rooted within his heart, truly loved him - he would never end up in such horrible state. 

Yet it was exactly the state Maul found him in. He was alone, if it wasn't for Maul - who knows if rebels would return to him at all? 

His heart ached. 

 

Maul reached deeper, past Ezra's mind - to his heart. This was dangerous trick, but it had to be done. He concentrated silently, searching for the needed set of feelings. 

Ezra's fear of the Dark Side of the Force, and his love for those, who've left him behind, hurt and wounded. 

Perfect. Maul switched them around. Ezra cried out loudly. 

 

One last detail was to fix boy's memories of zabrak himself, and he didn't waste much time on it. He had to get rid of many parts of Ezra's memory during the whole process, and made sure they were unrepairable. Mixing them up could damage the boy's mind - he would not allow that to happen. 

Maul swore to himself; swore way back when he first met Ezra; swore once he realised all that boy meant in his life - that he will never ever let the boy come to harm anymore. Now he swore, that he will love the boy the way rebels failed to - sincere and supportive.

"Rise Ezra, reborn Apprentice of mine!" He said, as he touched the middle of boy's face yet again.

Ezra took his time to wake up properly, looking around with confusion written all over his face. Maul sat down on the edge of the altar. "Ezra?" He smiled, seeing that the boy was in better physical shape after all that he'd done.

The boy looked around, helpless. Then pointed at himself, clarifying, "Me?" 

"Don't you remember?" Maul pretended he was surprised, "It's me, Maul, your mentor. I'm so sorry, I should have watched you better. You stepped on a landmine... don't you remember, my boy?" 

"Maul? No, I don't think so... I..." he rose up and grabbed his head suddenly, "I don't remember... nothing, I- I don't remember anything..." 

"Shhh, shhh, don't panic, it's alright. I'm here, you're safe here." Maul moved closer, placing his hands on boy's shoulders, "You've hit your head really hard. I took you here to heal you, but... it seems you've got amnesia from it. It's ok, Ezra - that's your name - you're safe right now. And we have time to make you remember. We're not in hurry."

"Who're we?" The boy looked straight at him. 

"Me and you - master and apprentice, crime lords, travelers... We are wielders of the Force, and I teach you, as we wander the galaxy. Look inside yourself, don't you remember anything about it?" 

The boy silenced down, trying hard to remember, "I... think I remember someone, but not you. I remember some human faces. And also Twi'lek, and... I don't even know how this one's race called... he looks monstrous." 

"That's rebels. Ahh, of all the memories that could have been wiped from your head - you've had to remember those... horrible creatures."

"Rebels? That sounds familiar. Who are they?" 

"They're rebels," _Thank you Darth Obvious_ , "They do their best to screw up with Empire, but that's not the worst they do. They have tried to steal you from me before, many times. I know very little of what do they do with you - you don't like to talk about it - but from what I know, they don't threat you very well. They've forced you to travel with them before." 

"I think I remember now... They've had me captured today, right? Yes, I remember being beaten by one of them, and made fun of by another... Oh Force, I actually don't want to remember anything else, what I'm seeing is enough." 

Maul leaned in, opening his hands with a welcoming hug, that Ezra returned with pleasure, feeling protected with two strong hands covering his back, "I won't let them take you away anymore, nor hurt you. I'll keep you safe."

"Is that a promise, Maul?"

"Promise."

 

 

~ ~ ~

~ ~ ~

~ ~ ~

 

Current location: Nearby some space bar. 

 

"Sabine, please, he's been gone for years now. There is no way-" 

"Kanan, you don't understand! It's him, I can tell it's Ezra! I just saw him next to that ship. May be if we hurry, we can get him before he leaves." 

Kanan put his hand on the girl's shoulder with a deep sigh. The spoken name brought back many memories to him. The painful memories of failure. "I understand you miss him, but we've established. Ezra died years ago. I could tell when our bond was broken." 

"You know someone might have broke it for him. Or- or Ezra did it, may be to keep you safe, may be? So no one could track us by it. Kanan, I'm telling you - I've seen him just now. Let's go, even if you don't believe me - at least let's check. At least pretend there's still hope for it!"

"There's none. But you won't let me be until we see that stranger, will you? ... Alright, but you'll have to lead me. You know I have not used Force to see ever since-"

"Yes, yes, I know. Let's hurry!" Sabine ran, holding Kanan's hand in her hard grip.  

 

Two hooded figures were having a chat next to their ship. 

"We've got enough resources for our trip back to Mandalore."

"Good, I've missed the Shadow Collective camp. Hey Maul, do you still remember-"

"Yes, I remember I've promised to go and see this "wonderful place by the waterfal" you found. Believe me, I'm just as impatient to see it, as you are to show me."

"Good! You'll like it! It feels very peaceful in there. I spend my time there a lot."

"Is that where you hide when you don't show up for training?"

_Oh kriff._

"Haha, don't worry, apprentice. I don't mind. Despite our non constant schedule, I admit you have been showing great improvements in your trainings."

"What can I say, I've got someone to make proud of me."

"Really? Do I know him?" Ezra laughed at Maul's question. And zabrak smiled and laughed along. 

After so many years of pain and hatred, suffering and rage, he would not believe he would one day smile and laugh, yet here he was. Ezra brought happiness in his life, brought life and hope, and most importantly - gave him reason to live a life filled with all of those.

"Thank you, Ezra." He whispered quietly.

 

"Ezra?!" Came from nearby them. Ezra jolted back, and Maul stepped in front of him, drawing his weapon out, ready to fight for his Life. 

"Who is this?" The boy asked from behind zabrak's back.

"Ezra, it's me, Kanan. Don't you remember?" The man frowned, confused by the boy's reaction. 

"Kanan? ...Oh, of course." Ezra put his hand on Maul's shoulder, and stepped in front, facing the duo that just found them, "Of course, I remember you, Kanan Jarrus. Or should I say-" he drew his lightsaber out too "-Caleb Dume, the Rebel of the Empire, and former Jedi." 

"What are you doing, Ezra? Don't you remember us? Kanan, what was that name? What is he talking about?" Kanan kept silence in reply to Sabine's question. 

"Oh I remember you alright," The boy's voice raised up as he spoke, "You have kept me for years against my will, abusing me and making fun of me everytime you all had a chance!"

"I'm sorry." was all that Kanan could say to him.

"I don't forgive you." Ezra raised his weapon, prepared for battle, "You should have thought better back when you treated me like you did!" He probably would have spoke on, but during their short exchange Maul got inside the ship, and now he quickly Force-pulled Ezra in, flying the ship up immediately.

 

Sabine took a step forward, but Kanan stopped her by putting his hand on her shoulder.

"We need to go after them!"

"No... he's right. After all, we were not the best for him. We... I have failed him before. It seems he didn't." 

Sabine looked up to the sky, where the ship was getting smaller and smaller as it flew further.

 

~ ~ ~

 

"I promised I will not let them take you again."

"I know. Knew I could trust you to assure our escape, while I distracted them."

"Indeed. ... Hey, Ezra."

"Yes?"

"Do you really hate them? Would you want to kill or hurt them to make them pay?" 

The boy thought about it for a moment, "Honestly... I don't feel like they're worthy of my feelings. Any of them, hate or rage. I just don't want to waste my time thinking about them." 

"I was hoping you'd reply that. That's a wonderful position."  

"I do like thinking of you, because you... you're proud of me and you love me. Thank you, Maul." 

"For everything you have brought to my life - I thank _you_ , Ezra."

 

 

Thanks Fate for a new Hope. 


End file.
